Disappointments and Expectations

Today just goes to show that there must be opposition in all things, that you cannot experience happiness without sadness, that you cannot experience success without failure, that you have to experience disappointments before life can pass your wildest expectations.
I struggle in my feelings here.
I want so badly to find my fairytale. I'm not looking to get married right now; I'm just not mature enough or ready yet. It's hard to try and date when I'm looking for perfection. When I find the right one, his imperfections and flaws will not matter to me, so until I feel that, I guess I will continue being disappointed. I just want to be special. I want to be somebody's world. I want someone to think I am the most intriguing girl they have ever met. I want to have an undeniable and magical connection and attraction to someone. I guess I shouldn't be looking for my soul mate right now if I am not ready to get married, but how do you date someone you couldn't see yourself marrying?
I'm sort of seeing a boy right now. It's really light and casual; he is a great guy and friend! He is easily the nicest and most well rounded boy I've probably ever had feelings for. But, there is this lingering doubt in the back of my mind that I'm just not that special to him. We haven't been on any dates, we've just been hanging out a lot. I get that it is hard to go off campus seeing as neither of us brought our cars up... but sometimes I just feel like he is just going along with the whole thing, like I showed interest, so why not? I just want to feel special. It's seriously all I want. Maybe I am just too loyal and fall too easily for guys. I want this to work out and be something great, but I have this sick feeling in my stomach after tonight that once again, it's not going to work out.
I want to discover my dreams, my purpose in life. All I have ever had is volleyball; I'm good at it, and I've got the record to prove it. Now that I am in college, however, and not on the team, it's really hard adjusting. I miss it SO MUCH. I hate not being in the athlete's circle. It's the only place I've ever felt that I truly belonged. I'm on an intramural team, and I absolutely love playing again. But it's just not the same. Tonight, we lost. It's a double elimination tournament, so we are still in it. But this loss has shaken me up a bit. It makes me question the unfailing confidence I have in my volleyball skills. I did not play well at all; I made a bunch of stupid mistakes. Granted, it was definitely an off night for the whole team. But I just feel so humiliated and dumb. If my confidence in this is higher than it should be, what else am I talking myself up in? Maybe I'm not as unique, bright, or pretty as I'd like to believe I am. I admit, I probably am a little cocky when it comes to volleyball. But other than that, I am not overly confident in anything, my self-worth or self-esteem.
I know the Lord loves me and has an amazing plan for my life. I feel like 18 years have already passed, and I am still waiting for it to happen. I should try to live in the moment and experience life as it comes, but I just feel like I am constantly waiting for something to happen in my day to day life. I am constantly disappointed.
The tradeoff between high expectations and settling is confusing. I want my life to be magical. I see glimpses of magic everywhere, but they never turn out to be what I want them to. I guess I will continue my search for something different, something to change my life, and open my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities and dreams. I am not much of a quitter, I have to see things through. However, I don't want to set myself up for failure. I am so scared of not becoming who I am supposed to become, of not finding the person I am supposed to spend eternity with. I just don't want to look back on my life and realize I settled, that I never discovered my true destiny.
I am going to pull back from the boy a bit, maybe my friends too. I think I need to focus on school and catch up. If I put myself to work, I believe the Lord will put the people into my life that I need to meet. This is my faith and testimony. Here goes nothing.